So he cheated now what……
Infidelity hurts like a Mother! There’s never an easy way to deal with it. It’s just one of those things where you just have to feel those feelings. There are so many layers to uncover! How you found out, who is the person they cheated with, the why, then the what now.
How did you find out in the first place, were you snooping? Did you catch them red handed, or did you find out by accident long after it happened? If you were snooping then it must've already been some sort of inclination. If you caught them red handed then it makes the whole situation more damaging. Sometimes we think the one we’re with would Never do us a certain way until we’re hit with a harsh reality. If you found out way after the fact most people choose not to confront their partner depending how long or how deep the infidelity was.
Now, sometimes it doesn’t matter who they may have cheated with But it does! If your mate cheated on you with someone you knew that action is completely unforgivable!
When some people get cheated on they tend to question if it was something they did, or if it could’ve been prevented. That answer will forever be No. As much as we put our high hopes in people we cannot control the actions of other people. We may have characteristics and behaviors that drive someone to become unhappy with you but always remember cheating is a choice.
Now ! The burning question that everybody has who ever dealt with infidelity is what now ? I can’t say it enough, the only thing that will tell is time. I usually don’t tell people whether to stay or leave the relationship unless you are in a toxic or unsafe relationship. Other than that I usually advocate for my peers and clients to go where your happiness is. Either way you are going to experience some level of hurt, maybe it’s temporary or long term which ultimately turns to resentment. Resentment for your partner and resentment towards yourself for not following your mind from the beginning.
Here’s some ways you can cope with infidelity. It’s a new day, you cried your eyes out, perhaps you let off some steam or slept it off. Nevertheless you accepted the damage is already done now you're open to see what’s next.
First things first, give yourself some clarity. Talking to friends and family is cool but taking various advice can leave you feeling more confused than before. Really give yourself a few days without talking to your partner and give yourself space and time to really process three things : how you feel-how would you feel about yourself if you stay? Also take in consideration how do you truly feel about your partner now that it’s exposed that it is possible that they could hurt you and possibly again. Do you have the mentality that all humans make mistakes or do all your feelings about them change ? Place close attention to those feelings because that’s what’s going to determine how successful your relationship will be going forward.Lastly, what does your relationship look like going forward and are you truly ready to move on? You’re still in a very emotional state so you may not have clear expectations overnight. If you decided to continue on with your relationship that is your prerogative. However If you find yourself constantly worrisome of what your partner is doing out of your sight or unsure if they are telling the truth then you have to check those feelings because that’s not healthy for either one of you.
Bottom line infidelity hurts. It is emotionally, mentally, and even physically devastating. Although you may feel like you're in a dark place there is light on the other side. Cheating is a test of your relationship. It's a test to see what you can overcome and it's a harsh eye opener. It's totally okay to be confused; it's your life, it's your heart and you should protect it by all means but ultimately the fate is up to you. You can take your experience with cheating and become better people or you can choose to walk away. No matter what you choose you have to forgive. Not forget, not accept, but forgive to alleviate any anger and resentment you feel because that will travel with you and weigh you down. Always keep your head up and know that you're not alone.
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